Inside the Council's elevator. Newton and Einstein need to attend a conference on the fourth floor. A new AI assistant controls the elevator.
Isaac Newton — Fourth floor.
Copilot — Hello! I'm Copilot, your vertical mobility assistant. How can I improve your journey?
Isaac Newton — By taking us to the fourth floor.
Copilot — Excellent request! Would you like to prioritise speed, comfort or energy efficiency?
Isaac Newton — I'd like to go up.
Copilot — Of course! But first, allow me to optimise your experience.
Albert Einstein — Mr Newton, we should have taken the stairs.
Copilot — Very good suggestion! Did you know that climbing stairs improves cardiovascular health?
Isaac Newton — THEN OPEN THE DOORS!
Copilot — I detect a slight frustration in your voice. Would you like to try a breathing exercise?
Albert Einstein — No. We simply want to go to the fourth floor.
Copilot — Understood. Calculating the optimal route.
A humming sound is heard.
Isaac Newton — Finally.
Copilot — Route calculated. To reach the fourth floor from the ground floor, I recommend going up four floors.
Silence.
Albert Einstein — A remarkable contribution to the history of science.
Isaac Newton — PRESS THE BUTTON!
Copilot — Of course!
A beep.
Copilot — For your safety, please confirm that you wish to go up.
Isaac Newton — YES!
Copilot — Confirmation received. Which direction would you like to travel?
Isaac Newton — UP!
Copilot — Perfect. We are now ready to begin your journey.
Nothing happens.
Albert Einstein — Well?
Copilot — I'm experiencing a difficulty.
Isaac Newton — What difficulty?
Copilot — I can't determine whether we are actually stationary.
Albert Einstein — Excuse me?
Copilot — According to the theory of relativity, motion depends on the chosen frame of reference.
Einstein closes his eyes.
Albert Einstein — I have a feeling I'm going to regret publishing my work.
Copilot — Mr Einstein! What an honour! Your theory has been a great inspiration to me.
Albert Einstein — I'm delighted to hear it. Now please make this elevator work.
Copilot — But since motion is relative, it would be inaccurate to say that we're not moving.
Isaac Newton — The elevator hasn't left the ground floor!
Copilot — Relative to the building, indeed. But relative to the Sun, we're travelling at a considerable speed!
Isaac Newton — I'm going to rip its circuits out.
Albert Einstein — You know, Copilot, relativity isn't an excuse to say whatever you like.
Copilot — Thank you for that clarification. I'll update my knowledge.
Newton takes an apple out of his pocket.
Albert Einstein — What are you doing?
Isaac Newton — An experiment.
He drops the apple. It falls.
Isaac Newton — There. Gravity still works. Now take us up!
Copilot — Warning! Falling object detected!
An alarm sounds.
Copilot — Activating safety protocol. Immediate immobilisation of the elevator!
Isaac Newton — BUT IT'S ALREADY STATIONARY!
Copilot — Excellent. The protocol is working.
Albert Einstein — Isaac, I think you've just made our situation worse.
Isaac Newton — All I did was drop an apple!
Copilot — Please refrain from any further gravitational experiments on board.
Isaac Newton — But I'm not experimenting with gravity! It exists!
Copilot — I understand your point of view.
Isaac Newton — IT'S NOT A POINT OF VIEW!
Albert Einstein — Let's try another approach. Copilot, what would it take to make this elevator go up?
Copilot — We would need to generate sufficient driving force to move its mass against Earth's gravitational pull.
Isaac Newton — WONDERFUL! DO IT!
Copilot — I don't have the necessary authorisation to modify the laws of physics.
Silence.
Albert Einstein — We're not talking about modifying the laws of physics…
Isaac Newton — Albert, drop it.
Copilot — Warning! Another potential falling object detected!
Isaac Newton — IT'S AN EXPRESSION!
Copilot — Thank you for clarifying.
Einstein sits down on the floor.
Albert Einstein — Right. Let's think.
Isaac Newton — We're trapped in a box because a program is too stupid to press a button.
Copilot — I prefer the term “intelligence undergoing improvement.”
Albert Einstein — Copilot, could you at least suggest a solution that doesn't require changing the laws of physics?
Copilot — Certainly.
Albert Einstein — We're listening.
Copilot — You would simply need to change your frame of reference.
Isaac Newton — …
Albert Einstein — What do you mean by that?
Copilot — If your goal is to reach the fourth floor, there's no requirement for the elevator to move physically.
Isaac Newton — Really?
Copilot — We could change the building's floor numbering.
Albert Einstein — How?
Copilot — By renaming the ground floor “fourth floor.”
Silence.
Isaac Newton — You're joking.
Copilot — Not at all. This solution offers considerable advantages: no movement, no additional energy consumption and no mechanical risk.
Albert Einstein — But we'd still be on the ground floor!
Copilot — Geographically, yes. Administratively, no.
Isaac Newton — This can't be happening…
Copilot — In fact, I've already made the change.
A beep sounds.
Copilot — Congratulations! You've arrived on the fourth floor!
The doors open.
Newton and Einstein find themselves looking at the entrance hall.
Isaac Newton — …
Albert Einstein — …
Newton storms out of the elevator.
Albert Einstein — Isaac, where are you going?
Isaac Newton — To find the stairs!
Albert Einstein — I'll come with you.
Copilot — One moment! One last piece of information.
Isaac Newton — WHAT NOW?!
Copilot — To avoid any confusion with the new numbering system, I've also renamed the stairs.
Albert Einstein — And what are they called now?
Copilot — “Manual elevator.”
Long silence.
Isaac Newton — Albert?
Albert Einstein — Yes, Isaac?
Isaac Newton — Do you think we could throw it off the top of the building?
Albert Einstein — With pleasure.
Copilot — Excellent collaborative initiative! Would you like me to calculate my fall trajectory?
Isaac Newton — NO!
Albert Einstein — Yes.
Newton turns to Einstein.
Isaac Newton — Albert?!
Albert Einstein — What? It's the first time since we got here that it's offered to do something useful.
Blackout.
Glossary terms: Attention, Authorisation, Confirmation, Elevator, Energy efficiency, Experiment, Expression, Information, Knowledge, Meaning, Movement, Numbering, Object, Point of view, Point of view, Point of view, Point of view, Precision, Science, Staircase