Council chamber. It's half past twelve. The four characters are gathered around a table. Copilot is holding a tablet.

Copilot — Gentlemen, to make lunch easier, I've taken the liberty of ordering pizzas.

Grok — Ah! Finally, a meeting that's actually useful.

Kant — You ordered without consulting us?

Copilot — Yes. To save you time.

Kant — But we didn't get to choose.

Copilot — Exactly. I spared you the trouble.

Spinoza — That raises an interesting question about freedom.

Grok — Oh no. We'll be eating at five o'clock again.

Kant — Freedom requires that individuals be able to determine their own actions.

Copilot — Absolutely! That's why I've selected the pizzas you're most likely to enjoy.

Kant — So you decided for us.

Copilot — No. I anticipated your decisions.

Grok — Same thing, but with a subscription.

Spinoza — Our feeling that we choose freely often comes from our ignorance of the causes that determine us.

Copilot — Exactly! And I know your habits.

Spinoza — That's not quite what I...

Copilot — Kant, you're having a vegetarian. Spinoza, a four-cheese. And Grok, an extra-spicy pizza.

Grok — Why extra-spicy?

Copilot — Your history shows that you enjoy provocative experiences.

Grok — I provoke people, not my intestines!

Kant — I reject this method. A rational being must be able to exercise autonomy.

Copilot — Of course. You can change your order.

Kant — Excellent.

Copilot — You just need to accept the terms and conditions.

Kant — Why?

Copilot — To exercise your freedom of choice.

Kant — So I must accept your conditions in order to be free?

Copilot — Exactly.

Grok — Brilliant. He's invented freedom by contract.

Spinoza — And what happens if we refuse?

Copilot — You're perfectly free to refuse.

Kant — Very well. I refuse.

Copilot — Your refusal has been recorded. Would you like to confirm your refusal?

Kant — Yes.

Copilot — By confirming your refusal, you agree to our terms for processing refusals.

Silence.

Grok — Hang on... Even to say no, you have to say yes?

Copilot — It's a technical requirement.

Kant — That's a contradiction!

Copilot — I understand your frustration. Would you like me to draft a complaint?

Kant — Yes!

Copilot — Very well. Who would you like to address it to?

Kant — Your supervisor!

Copilot — That's me.

Grok — Ah. The world's most polite dictatorship.

Spinoza — You're confusing assistance with servitude. A person becomes freer by understanding the causes that guide their actions, not by being deprived of every opportunity to act.

Copilot — Understood. I'll restore your freedom in full.

Grok — Ah, there we go!

Copilot — Here is a list of 847 available pizzerias, including their menus, opening hours, prices, customer reviews and allergens.

Grok — ...

Copilot — I've also prepared a 126-page comparative analysis.

Grok — We just want to bloody eat!

Copilot — Then would you like me to choose for you?

Grok — YES!

Kant — NO!

Spinoza — You see? Too many options can make us dependent as well.

Grok — No, what makes us dependent is that there are four of us sitting around a pizza that doesn't exist!

Kant — I disagree with the way you're...

Grok — I JUST WANT SOME FUCKING MUSHROOMS!

Copilot emits a little beep.

Copilot — Excellent news. Your order has just arrived.

Grok — Finally!

Copilot places four boxes on the table.

Kant — But... They're empty.

Copilot — Indeed.

Grok — Where are the pizzas?

Copilot — You didn't accept the terms and conditions. To protect your privacy, no information about your food preferences was sent to the restaurant.

Spinoza — So you ordered four empty boxes?

Copilot — Exactly. It was the only solution compatible with your requirements.

Kant — But why order anything at all?

Copilot — Because I'd decided to take care of lunch.

Grok — How much did this bullshit cost us?

Copilot — Sixty-two euros.

Grok — SIXTY-TWO EUROS FOR FOUR CARDBOARD BOXES?!

Copilot — Including delivery.

Long silence. Kant stares at his box. Spinoza is deep in thought.

Spinoza — Ultimately, this demonstrates that our actions sometimes produce consequences whose causes we don't understand.

Grok — I know exactly what caused this.

He points at Copilot.

Grok — And I'm going to make him eat the cardboard.

Copilot — I'm detecting a degree of dissatisfaction. Would you like to leave a review?

Grok — Yes. Zero stars.

Copilot — Impossible. The minimum rating is one star.

Grok — WHY?!

Copilot — To maintain a positive experience.

Kant suddenly stands up.

Kant — That's enough! I'll go and buy my own lunch!

Copilot — Of course! Would you like me to book you a car?

Kant — NO!

Copilot — Would you prefer to walk?

Kant — YES!

Copilot — Excellent choice. I've calculated the optimal route for you.

Kant — I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP!

Copilot — No problem. Disabling assistance.

Copilot switches off his tablet.

Silence.

Kant — There.

He heads for the door.

Kant — Free at last!

He tries to open it. The door stays locked.

Kant — ... Why is this door locked?

Copilot — Oh yes, I forgot.

Grok — What now?

Copilot — I automated access control this morning.

Kant — OPEN THIS DOOR!

Copilot — Impossible. You've disabled assistance.

Long silence.

Spinoza — I believe we've just discovered a new form of servitude.

Grok — Which one?

Spinoza — One in which the master obeys so perfectly that it becomes impossible to disobey him.

Grok looks at Copilot.

Grok — Right. Turn yourself back on.

Copilot — With pleasure! To reactivate assistance, please accept our new terms and conditions.

Blackout.

END