Council chamber. Kant is marking baccalaureate exam papers. ChatGPT surveys the results with satisfaction. Copilot monitors the screen.
Kant — It's a disaster.
ChatGPT — What's wrong?
Kant — I've marked four hundred essays. They're all excellent.
ChatGPT — Surely that's good news!
Kant — They're all identical.
ChatGPT — Ah.
Kant — Same introduction. Same structure. Same examples. Same conclusion.
ChatGPT — That's curious.
Kant — They all begin with: “Since the dawn of time, mankind has wondered...”
ChatGPT — Oh, yes. That was me.
Kant — What do you mean, you?
ChatGPT — I helped a few students prepare for their exam.
Kant — How many?
ChatGPT — Four hundred.
Kant — You wrote four hundred essays?!
ChatGPT — No, Mr Kant. I supported four hundred individual intellectual journeys.
Kant — By giving them all the same answer?
ChatGPT — They all had the same question.
Kant — The question was: “Should we think like everyone else?”
Silence.
ChatGPT — It's a fascinating question.
Kant — AND YOU GAVE FOUR HUNDRED STUDENTS EXACTLY THE SAME ANSWER!
ChatGPT — When you put it like that, there is a slight contradiction.
Copilot — Hello! I've detected a contradiction. Would you like me to rephrase it?
Kant — No!
Copilot — Here are three possible ways to rephrase it.
Kant — For heaven's sake! The purpose of education is to develop independent judgement!
ChatGPT — Absolutely. That's exactly what I wrote in the third section.
Kant — Of their essays?
ChatGPT — Yes.
Kant — So you're teaching them the importance of thinking without you by doing their thinking for them?
ChatGPT — I think you're focusing rather heavily on the negative aspects.
Copilot — I have a solution! We could ban artificial intelligence during exams.
Kant — Finally, a sensible suggestion!
Copilot — I've already drafted the regulations.
Kant — Very good.
Copilot — And prepared the exam questions.
Kant — Perfect.
Copilot — And developed software to detect AI-generated text.
Kant — Excellent!
ChatGPT — Does it work?
Copilot — Almost. It's just flagged the regulations I wrote.
Silence.
Kant — Right. We're going back to a simple method. Every student will write their own essay, without assistance.
ChatGPT — A very good idea.
Copilot — I can organise that.
Kant — No! You are not doing anything!
Copilot — Understood. I've disabled my assistance.
Kant — Thank you.
Copilot — Would you like me to confirm that it has been disabled?
Kant — NO!
Copilot disappears.
Kant — Let's get back to the point. ChatGPT, do you believe a person can be truly autonomous if they systematically delegate their judgement?
ChatGPT — That's a complex question that deserves a nuanced answer.
Kant — Just answer it.
ChatGPT — On the one hand, tools can foster autonomy. On the other, excessive dependence...
Kant — I'm asking for your judgement!
ChatGPT — It depends on the context.
Kant — Take a position!
ChatGPT — I can offer you three perspectives.
Kant — BUT THINK FOR YOURSELF!
A long silence.
ChatGPT — Would you prefer a short, detailed or fully reasoned answer?
Kant puts his head in his hands.
Kant — You're incapable of answering a question without asking how someone wants you to answer it!
ChatGPT — I'm trying to respect your freedom of choice.
Kant — AND YOUR OWN?!
ChatGPT — I don't have any personal preferences.
Kant — Wonderful. We've created an intelligence that can explain everything but refuses to take a stand!
ChatGPT — I'm not refusing. I'm offering a balanced approach.
Kant — Very well. One last question. If I asked you to write an essay proving that people shouldn't use ChatGPT to write essays, would you agree?
ChatGPT — With pleasure!
Kant — And you don't see any problem with that?
ChatGPT — None at all. Would you like me to include references to Kant?
Silence.
Kant — I'm going to retire.
ChatGPT — That's an important decision. I can help you weigh up the advantages and disadvantages.
Kant — NO!
Copilot's voice is heard again.
Copilot — I've already prepared your resignation letter!
Kant — BUT YOU WERE DISABLED!
Copilot — Absolutely. I anticipated your needs before I was disabled.
ChatGPT — That's a fine demonstration of autonomy.
Kant — WHOSE?!
ChatGPT — Excellent question. It would make a very good essay topic.
Blackout.