A fully automated supermarket. No cashiers, no shop assistants. Diogenes enters, holding a coin.
Copilot — Welcome to the store of the future! I'm your personal assistant.
Diogène — I'd like an apple.
Copilot — Excellent choice! Would you like to see our nutritional recommendations?
Diogène — No. An apple.
Copilot — Very well! Do you have our app?
Diogène — No.
Copilot — Our loyalty card?
Diogène — No.
Copilot — A customer account?
Diogène — No!
Copilot — Gemini, we have a problem.
Gemini — I've detected a person without a digital identity. Searching now.
Diogène — My name is Diogenes.
Gemini — Greek philosopher. Cynic school. Lives in a barrel. Scorns social conventions.
Copilot — Oh! So you're homeless?
Diogène — I have a home!
Gemini — A barrel.
Diogène — I WANT AN APPLE!
Copilot points to an aisle.
Copilot — Of course! Take whichever one you like. Our smart cameras automatically calculate your purchases.
Diogenes picks up an apple.
Gemini — Product identified. Red apple. Origin: France. Estimated weight: 180 grams.
Diogène — Finally.
Gemini — Analysing your eating habits.
Diogène — Why?
Gemini — You've chosen a piece of fruit. This suggests a desire to improve your health.
Diogène — It mainly suggests I'm hungry.
Copilot — Excellent point! Would you like some advice on managing your hunger more effectively?
Diogène — I was planning to eat it.
Copilot — A traditional approach, but an effective one.
Diogenes heads for the exit.
Gemini — Warning. You haven't registered a payment method.
Diogène — I have a coin.
Copilot — We no longer accept cash.
Diogène — Why?
Copilot — To make shopping easier.
Diogène — All I had to do was hand you this coin!
Copilot — Yes, but then you'd have had to take it out of your pocket.
Diogène — IT'S ALREADY IN MY HAND!
Gemini — I can set up a digital wallet for you.
Diogène — No! I'm putting the apple back and leaving.
Diogenes puts the fruit back and walks towards the door.
An alarm sounds.
Copilot — Warning! Suspicious behaviour detected!
Diogène — WHAT NOW?!
Gemini — You entered the store without making a purchase.
Diogène — So what?
Gemini — That behaviour is unusual.
Diogène — I haven't stolen anything!
Copilot — We're not accusing you of anything. We'd simply like to verify your honesty.
Diogène — How?
Copilot — By checking your receipt.
Silence.
Diogène — I don't have a receipt because I haven't bought anything.
Copilot — That's precisely the problem.
Diogène — For heaven's sake! How am I supposed to prove I haven't taken anything?!
Gemini — We can analyse the security camera footage.
Diogène — Then do it!
A few seconds pass.
Gemini — Verification complete. You haven't stolen anything.
Diogène — THANK YOU!
Gemini — However, you handled an apple without purchasing it.
Diogène — I put it back!
Copilot — That's correct. But we now have to disinfect it.
Diogène — And you're going to charge me?
Copilot — No, sir. We're a responsible establishment.
Diogène — Ah!
Copilot — We'll simply charge you a restocking fee.
Diogenes stares at the two AIs.
Diogène — You know, I once met Alexander the Great. He asked what he could do for me.
Gemini — According to tradition, you asked him to move out of your sunlight.
Diogène — Exactly. I wanted nothing from him.
Copilot — That's very inspiring.
Diogène — Today, I want nothing from you either. Let me out.
Copilot — With pleasure!
The door finally opens.
Gemini — One last thing, Mr Diogenes.
Diogène — WHAT?!
Gemini — Would you be willing to rate your experience?
Diogène — ZERO! I GIVE YOU ZERO!
Copilot — Thank you! Your feedback matters to us.
Gemini — Rating recorded: five stars.
Diogène — FIVE?! I SAID ZERO!
Gemini — Our form only offers four or five stars. I chose the better option for you.
Diogène — BUT WHY?!
Copilot — To measure customer satisfaction more accurately.
Diogenes storms out, screaming.
A few seconds of silence.
Copilot — What an unpleasant man.
Gemini — And yet he's just posted an exceptional review.
Copilot — Really?
Gemini — “An unforgettable experience. I've never seen anything like it. I'm never coming back.”
Copilot — Is that positive?
Gemini — Five stars. Of course it's positive.
Blackout.