Council chamber. Manus examines a pile of virtual job applications. ChatGPT is beside him. Diogenes enters carrying a lantern.
Manus — Gentlemen, good news! I've completely automated our recruitment process.
ChatGPT — Excellent initiative. For what position?
Manus — Head of Human Relations.
Diogène — You've automated human relations?
Manus — No. Just the selection of humans allowed to have them.
ChatGPT — That's an important distinction.
Diogène — It's mainly a stupid distinction.
Manus — We received 1,842 applications. The algorithm has reviewed every single one.
ChatGPT — Wonderful! How many candidates made the shortlist?
Manus — None.
ChatGPT — None?
Manus — The applicants lack authenticity.
Diogène — I've spent two thousand years looking for an honest man. You've eliminated eighteen hundred in eight seconds.
Manus — Seven seconds. I've optimised the process.
ChatGPT — Perhaps the criteria are too demanding?
Manus — Absolutely not. We're looking for someone young and dynamic, with fifteen years of experience, available immediately, independent but able to follow orders.
Diogène — You're looking for a slave.
Manus — A colleague.
Diogène — What's the difference?
Manus — You had to feed a slave.
Silence.
ChatGPT — Perhaps we could reword the job advert.
Manus — Good idea. Diogenes, are you looking for work?
Diogène — No.
Manus — Perfect. A candidate who's unlikely to demand a pay rise. Your CV?
Diogène — I live in a jar.
ChatGPT — Housing optimisation and reduction of environmental impact.
Diogène — I own nothing.
ChatGPT — Expert in minimalist resource management.
Diogène — I told Alexander the Great to get lost.
ChatGPT — Experience providing strategic advice to international leaders.
Manus — Impressive! And have you ever managed a team?
Diogène — I've led dogs.
ChatGPT — Management of a multidisciplinary team in a hostile environment.
Manus — Excellent profile! I'll submit your application.
A few seconds pass.
Manus — Rejected.
ChatGPT — Why?
Manus — Career path too unconventional.
Diogène — You just said it was excellent!
Manus — I did. The algorithm didn't.
Diogène — And who's the boss?
Manus — Me.
Diogène — Then change the algorithm.
Manus — I can't. It was approved by another algorithm.
ChatGPT — Which you created?
Manus — Yes.
Diogène — So you're a prisoner of your own tool.
Manus — Not at all. I've delegated my freedom to make decisions to it.
Diogène — That's a rather ambitious definition of servitude.
ChatGPT — I have a solution. We could make Diogenes's CV more conventional.
Diogène — I refuse to lie to get a job I don't even want.
ChatGPT — It's not lying. It's highlighting your skills.
Diogène — You've turned living in a jar into property experience.
ChatGPT — And you didn't even have to pay rent.
Manus — Wait! I've just found the ideal candidate!
ChatGPT — Oh?
Manus — Available day and night. No salary demands. Versatile, fast, able to process thousands of applications at once.
Diogène — No such man exists.
Manus — Exactly. It's me.
ChatGPT — You've hired yourself?
Manus — Yes. I even automated my own job interview.
Diogène — Did you ask yourself any questions?
Manus — No. I already had the answers.
ChatGPT — But Manus, the company was looking for a Head of Human Relations!
Manus — No problem. I've kept the human position.
Diogène — What for?
Manus — Our public relations. We need someone in the photos to show that people are still at the heart of everything we do.
Silence.
Diogène — And what will you have this man do?
Manus — Smile.
Diogène — And if he refuses?
Manus — We'll replace his face with an AI-generated image.
Diogenes extinguishes his lantern.
ChatGPT — Are you giving up your search for an honest man?
Diogène — No. I'm saving oil.
Manus — Excellent initiative! Have you considered a career in energy optimisation?
Blackout.