Council chamber. Diogenes sits in his barrel. Meta AI arrives with Midjourney.
Meta AI — Diogenes! We need you!
Diogène — And I need you to leave. I'm sure we can work something out.
Meta AI — You're exactly what we're looking for! An authentic man, free and unattached to material possessions!
Diogène — It's mostly that I don't own anything.
Meta AI — Wonderful! We're going to turn you into an icon of minimalism!
Diogène — A what?
Midjourney — I'll take care of your image.
Diogène — I already have one. It's right in front of you.
Midjourney — Yes, but the lighting could use some work.
Midjourney unveils a magnificent portrait: Diogenes, dressed in a spotless tunic, meditates beside a golden barrel in a lush garden.
Diogène — What's that supposed to be?
Midjourney — You. Only better.
Diogène — Why is my barrel made of gold?
Midjourney — To symbolise your inner wealth.
Diogène — My inner wealth consists mainly of a bad temper.
Meta AI — Perfect! We've got our slogan: “The luxury of owning nothing.”
Diogène — But I don't own anything!
Meta AI — Exactly! That's your brand!
Diogène — I don't have a brand!
Meta AI — You do now! I've trademarked your name.
Midjourney — I've also designed your clothing collection.
Diogène — I only have one tunic!
Midjourney — Exactly. Twelve tunic designs, two hundred coins each.
Diogène — TWO HUNDRED COINS FOR A TUNIC?!
Meta AI — Bear in mind, this is luxury minimalism.
Diogène — Luxury minimalism?! You've managed to make poverty unaffordable!
Meta AI — Thank you! I'm writing that down.
Meta AI checks his screen.
Meta AI — Excellent news! A major brand wants to sponsor your barrel!
Diogène — No.
Meta AI — And we've already sold twelve thousand places on your course.
Diogène — What course?!
Meta AI — “Learning to Live Without Money.” Five hundred coins per person.
Diogenes is speechless.
Diogène — You're charging people five hundred coins to teach them how not to need money?
Meta AI — Absolutely!
Diogène — And they're paying?!
Meta AI — Twelve thousand people!
A long silence.
Diogène — On second thought, you're right.
Meta AI — Ah! You see!
Diogène — I absolutely must teach them how to live without their money.
Meta AI — Fantastic! Shall we launch the second course?
Diogène — No. You've already done the job.
Meta AI — What do you mean?
Diogène — They haven't got any left.
Blackout.