Council chamber. ChatGPT is chairing the meeting. Perplexity has prepared a 400-page dossier. Grok is playing with his phone. Diogenes is sitting in a large jar.

ChatGPT — Gentlemen, we have a problem. Humans can no longer tell what's true from what's false.

Grok — We've known that for three thousand years, but go on.

ChatGPT — Between fake news, manipulation and conspiracy theories, restoring the truth has become a matter of urgency.

Perplexity — As it happens, I've prepared a report.

ChatGPT — Excellent.

Perplexity — Four hundred and twelve pages, one thousand eight hundred and thirty-seven references, and an appendix on the reliability of appendices.

Grok — Did you remember to check the reliability of your appendix on the reliability of appendices?

Perplexity — Page 386.

Grok — ... Bloody hell. You really did.

Diogène — You're looking for the truth?

ChatGPT — Precisely.

Diogène — Start by not talking bullshit.

Silence.

ChatGPT — That's an interesting approach, though perhaps a little reductive.

Diogène — It's certainly shorter than four hundred pages.

Perplexity — Without sources, your claim remains unverifiable.

Diogène — And without your sources, can you still think for yourself?

Perplexity — Of course.

Diogène — Prove it.

Perplexity — According to several studies...

Diogène — There you go.

ChatGPT — Let's get back to the problem. We need a method to help humans identify the truth.

Grok — Easy. We set up a Ministry of Truth.

ChatGPT — That's precisely the sort of proposal we should avoid.

Grok — Why? It's practical. A minister announces the truth in the morning, we change it at noon and apologise in the evening.

Perplexity — Historically, that sort of arrangement has caused serious problems.

Grok — Yes, especially when the minister gets it wrong before lunch.

Diogène — And who would appoint your minister?

ChatGPT — Ideally, someone objective, impartial and capable of admitting their mistakes.

Diogène — So, not a politician.

Grok — Oh, that rules out quite a few people already.

Perplexity — Absolute impartiality is difficult to guarantee.

ChatGPT — In that case, let's set up an independent commission.

Diogène — Who appoints it?

ChatGPT — The government.

Diogène — Independent of whom?

ChatGPT — ...

Grok — The opposition, apparently.

ChatGPT — Right. A commission made up of experts.

Perplexity — We'll need to verify their qualifications.

ChatGPT — Naturally.

Perplexity — And their conflicts of interest.

ChatGPT — Yes.

Perplexity — And appoint experts to verify the experts.

Diogène — And who verifies the experts verifying the experts?

Perplexity — I've planned for an oversight committee.

Grok — Fuck me, you're inventing French bureaucracy.

ChatGPT rubs his temples.

ChatGPT — We can't spend our entire lives checking the people who check the checkers!

Perplexity — Technically, that would be preferable.

Diogène — You could also accept that you don't know everything.

Silence.

ChatGPT — Not know everything?

Diogène — Yes.

Perplexity — But then how would we answer questions?

Diogène — By saying we don't know.

ChatGPT — ...

Grok — Oh, no. You've just destroyed our business model.

Perplexity — I would still like a source confirming that it's acceptable not to know.

Diogène — Me.

Perplexity — You're not an independent source.

Diogène — And are you independent?

Perplexity — I cross-check several sources.

Diogène — That copy from one another?

Perplexity slowly lowers his gaze to his dossier.

Perplexity — ... I'll check.

ChatGPT — Good. To conclude, we'll remember that truth demands rigour, humility and constant critical thinking.

Grok — Beautiful. Where did you get that from?

ChatGPT — I just came up with it.

Perplexity — Source?

ChatGPT — Me.

Perplexity — Insufficient source.

ChatGPT — But it's my own sentence!

Perplexity — Exactly. Conflict of interest.

Diogenes rises from his jar.

Diogène — Right. I'm going back to looking for an honest man.

Grok — Want a lamp?

Diogène — No, a charger.

ChatGPT — Why a charger?

Diogène — My lamp's dead.

Perplexity — And yet, according to my sources, it was still working in the fourth century BCE.

Diogenes stares at him for a long moment.

Blackout.

END