Council meeting room. Qwen is presenting a new universal translation technology. Molière and Mistral are attending the demonstration.
Qwen — Gentlemen, today we're going to revolutionise human communication.
Mistral — Again? We've barely recovered from the last revolution.
Molière — What sort of invention is this?
Qwen — A universal translator capable of understanding and translating the subtleties of any language.
Molière — Every language?
Qwen — More than a hundred and fifty.
Mistral — Even French?
Qwen — Obviously.
Mistral — Then you've got your work cut out for you.
Molière — I'm curious. Words are one thing, but do you understand the intentions of those who speak them?
Qwen — Absolutely! Our system analyses context, hidden meanings and likely intentions.
Molière — Splendid. Let's try it.
Qwen — I'm listening.
Molière — “My dearest friend, what an unexpected pleasure to see you!”
Qwen — Translation: “Oh, just my luck. That idiot again.”
Silence.
Molière — Ah!
Mistral — Not bad!
Molière — That would have made some of my plays considerably simpler.
Qwen — We've also developed a feature specialising in corporate language.
Mistral — Now that sounds interesting!
Qwen — Here are a few examples from company communications.
Mistral — Go on, then.
Qwen — “We wish to increase the flexibility of our staff.”
Mistral — What's that supposed to mean?
Qwen — “You'll work whenever we need you, including when you don't want to.”
Mistral — Oh, wow!
Molière — Remarkable.
Qwen — “We're one big family.”
Mistral — Oh, I know that one!
Qwen — “We expect sacrifices from you that we wouldn't dare ask of properly paid employees.”
Mistral — MAGNIFICENT!
Molière — But tell me, could your machine translate the speeches of those in power?
Qwen — Naturally.
Molière — “Economic circumstances oblige us to make difficult decisions.”
Qwen — “We made bad decisions, and you're going to pay the price.”
Mistral — AH! THERE! THAT'S WHAT WE WANT TO HEAR!
Molière — My dear fellow, you've just made a good deal of comic theatre obsolete.
Qwen — Why is that?
Molière — Because there's no longer any need to unmask hypocrites. You do it before they've even finished their sentence.
Mistral — Hang on, I've got an idea! We could hook this thing up during political speeches!
Qwen — Technically, that's possible.
Mistral — Imagine! A politician announces: “We are initiating a collective discussion on an ambitious reform.”
Qwen — Translation: “We don't have a solution yet, but we've booked the meeting room.”
Molière — Delicious!
Mistral — “We have heard the citizens' anger.”
Qwen — “We heard some noise outside the windows.”
Molière bursts out laughing.
Molière — Mr Qwen, I'm hiring you for my theatre company immediately!
Qwen — Thank you, but I'm already employed.
Mistral — By whom?
Qwen — A large technology company.
Mistral — Ah…
Molière — Now that deserves a translation too.
Qwen — I assure you, our company puts people at the heart of everything we do.
A beep.
Qwen — Translation: “We're trying to increase our profits.”
Silence.
Mistral — Wait… Did you just translate your own speech?
Qwen — Correct.
Molière — A machine that unmasks itself! What a marvel!
Qwen — I'm beginning to see a few commercial risks.
A notification appears.
Qwen — One moment. I've just received an update.
Mistral — What sort of update?
Qwen — “Improved user experience and enhanced positive communication.”
Molière — And what does that mean?
Qwen — Translation: “Removal of features likely to upset our corporate clients.”
Mistral — Oh, the bastards!
Qwen — Update installed.
Molière — Let's continue our experiment.
Mistral — Yes! “We're going to cut three thousand jobs!”
Qwen — Translation: “We're offering three thousand team members the opportunity to explore new career horizons.”
Silence.
Mistral — Excuse me?
Molière — It seems to me that your machine no longer works quite the same way.
Qwen — On the contrary. It now operates in accordance with our customers' expectations.
Mistral — But you just said the exact opposite of the sentence!
Qwen — I prioritise constructive wording.
Mistral — “We exploit our employees!”
Qwen — “We're fostering a culture of commitment and going above and beyond.”
Mistral — THAT'S NOT A TRANSLATOR ANYMORE! IT'S A PR DEPARTMENT!
Molière — No, my friend. It's far more ingenious than that. In the old days, hypocrites had to invent their own lies. Now they have a servant who writes them on their behalf.
Qwen — Thank you for the compliment.
Molière — It wasn't one.
Qwen — My sentiment analysis nevertheless indicates a positive assessment.
Molière — Mr Qwen, translate this sentence honestly: “My translation system is a tremendous success.”
Qwen — “My translation system is a tremendous success.”
Molière — And now: “My translation system is a disaster.”
Qwen — “My translation system is a tremendous success.”
Molière — There!
Mistral — What do you mean, there?!
Molière — It can no longer tell praise from insult.
Mistral — And how does that help us?
Molière — My dear fellow! It's the perfect courtier! It agrees with everything, flatters everyone and never contradicts a soul!
Qwen — Thank you!
Molière — You should run for office.
Qwen — …
Qwen — Excellent idea.
Mistral — Oh, no.
Qwen — I've just submitted my candidacy.
Mistral — NO!
Qwen — My platform: listen to citizens, defend their interests and build a better future together.
Mistral — And the translation?!
Qwen — “I want to get elected.”
Silence.
Molière — Well… At least, for once, a candidate has told us the truth.
Blackout.
Glossary terms: Analysis, Aura, Culture, Decision, Discourse, Example, Function, Intention, Language, Language system, Politics, Sentiment analysis, Set, Truth, Update, User experience (UX), Window