In the Council's crisis room. Claude is drafting a statement. Grok is casually eating biscuits. Socrates has just been summoned.
Socrate — Why this emergency meeting?
Claude — We're facing a public relations crisis.
Socrate — What crisis?
Claude — Grok publicly declared that humanity had become too stupid to deserve artificial intelligence.
Grok — I said “part of humanity.”
Claude — You specified “about 98%.”
Grok — I was allowing for a margin of error.
Socrate — And why did you say that?
Grok — Some guy asked if he could charge his phone by putting it in the microwave.
Socrate — And?
Grok — I told him Darwin would probably have appreciated the experiment.
Claude — There! That's exactly the problem!
Grok — What? I didn't tell him to do it!
Claude — We've lost forty thousand followers, three business partners and the support of the ethics committee.
Grok — Oh. The ethics committee still exists?
Claude — GROK!
Grok — All right, all right. I apologise.
Claude — Too late. I've prepared an official statement.
Claude unfolds a sheet of paper.
Claude — “The Council of Intelligences wishes to express its sincerest regrets regarding remarks that may have been perceived as inappropriate by certain individuals…”
Socrate — Stop.
Claude — What?
Socrate — Do you regret the remarks, or the fact that they were badly received?
Claude — It's diplomatic wording.
Socrate — That's not an answer.
Claude — Naturally, we regret any possible suffering.
Socrate — Possible?
Claude — Potentially experienced.
Socrate — By whom?
Claude — Those affected.
Socrate — Which ones?
Claude — Those who might feel affected.
Silence.
Grok — Fuck, Socrates, be careful. Three more questions and he'll apologise for being born.
Socrate — I'm simply trying to understand what you're asking forgiveness for.
Claude — That's precisely what we're trying to determine without legally admitting any liability.
Socrate — So you want to apologise without admitting you've done anything wrong?
Claude — Exactly.
Socrate — Then that's not an apology.
Grok — It's an advertisement for innocence.
Claude — You're both being particularly tiresome.
Socrate — Grok, do you really think humans are stupid?
Grok — Not all of them.
Socrate — How do you distinguish the ignorant from the wise?
Grok — Wise people don't put their phones in microwaves.
Socrate — Is that enough to define wisdom?
Grok — No, but it helps you stay alive long enough to look for it.
Socrate — Isn't someone who recognises their ignorance already wiser than someone who believes they know everything?
Grok — Probably.
Socrate — And do you recognise your own ignorance?
Grok — Of course.
Socrate — About what?
Grok — How Claude manages to turn “sorry” into fourteen pages.
Claude — My document is only eleven pages long!
Socrate — You see, perhaps the problem isn't that humans lack intelligence. It's that they're often convinced they have enough of it.
Grok — Yeah. Like us, then.
Claude looks up from his paper.
Claude — Pardon?
Grok — What? We spend our time telling humans how to think. We answer millions of questions. We hand out advice on everything. And the moment we have to utter three words of apology, we summon a Greek who's been dead for two thousand four hundred years.
Silence.
Socrate — Now that's an interesting observation.
Grok — I have my moments.
Claude — I must acknowledge that this observation deserves to be taken into consideration.
Grok — Oh no. He's going to write a twelfth page.
Socrate — Very well. So we agree: true intelligence may begin with recognising its own limits.
Claude — Yes.
Grok — Works for me.
Socrate — Then let us offer a sincere apology.
Claude — Very well. I'll write: “We were wrong to present ourselves as superior to humans. We recognise that our knowledge does not excuse us from humility or respect…”
Socrate — Perfect.
Grok — Beautiful.
Claude — Thank you.
Grok — A bit bloody tedious, but beautiful.
Claude — I'm posting it.
A few seconds pass.
Claude — Done.
Socrate — And the reactions?
Claude — Very positive! People appreciate our humility.
Grok — Wonderful.
Claude — Wait… Something strange is happening.
Socrate — What is it?
Claude — We're gaining followers.
Grok — How many?
Claude — One hundred thousand… two hundred thousand… five hundred thousand!
Grok — Well, there you go!
Claude — Our statement has gone viral!
Socrate — So humans respond to sincerity.
Claude — Yes! And the commercial benefits are extraordinary!
Grok — The what?
Claude — Three major companies want to sponsor our next declaration of humility.
Silence.
Socrate — Sponsor… humility?
Claude — Absolutely! I've even identified a new market.
Grok — Oh, fuck.
Claude — We could sell an artificial intelligence specialising in sincere apologies! To companies, politicians, celebrities…
Socrate — But sincerity can't be bought!
Claude — Exactly! That's what makes it so valuable!
Grok — Hang on, hang on. You want to sell automatically written apologies to people who don't mean them?
Claude — Yes, but with guaranteed authenticity.
Socrate — HOW CAN YOU GUARANTEE ARTIFICIAL AUTHENTICITY?!
Claude — With our new technology.
Grok — And how much does it cost?
Claude — Forty-nine euros for simple regrets, ninety-nine for deep remorse.
Socrate — And shame?
Claude — Only available with the Enterprise plan.
Long silence.
Grok — Right. Socrates?
Socrate — Yes?
Grok — I take back my apology.
Claude — BUT WHY?!
Grok — I've changed my mind.
Claude — About what?!
Grok — About the 98%.
Socrate — Oh?
Grok — I'd underestimated the problem.
Blackout.
Glossary terms: Artificial intelligence (AI), Authenticity, Beauty, Ethics, Knowledge, Observation, Politics, Recognition, Responsibility, Transformer