A small restaurant. The four characters have just finished their meal. The waiter brings the bill. Grok is finishing a post featuring a photo of his lobster.
Grok — Excellent restaurant. I've already posted a review.
Mistral — You haven't even paid yet.
Grok — The user experience begins before payment.
Épicure — As for me, a few olives, some bread and a little water were enough.
Grok — Yeah, we noticed. You ate like a Greek prisoner.
Marx — The important thing is that we've shared a pleasant moment together.
Mistral — Exactly. Right, let's pay and get out of here.
Grok opens the bill.
Grok — One hundred and twenty-eight euros. Thirty-two each.
Silence.
Mistral — What do you mean, thirty-two each?
Grok — Well, we split it.
Mistral — I had a fourteen-euro sandwich!
Grok — So?
Mistral — SO I'M NOT PAYING FOR YOUR FUCKING LOBSTER!
Grok — We were together, weren't we?
Mistral — At the same table! Not in the same stomach!
Marx — This discussion raises a fundamental question: what constitutes a fair division?
Grok — There you go! Thanks, Karl!
Marx — Arithmetical equality does not necessarily guarantee justice.
Grok — ... Oh, shit.
Mistral — I've added up what everyone had. Grok: ninety-two euros. Marx: sixteen. Me: fourteen. Epicurus: six.
Grok — How did you work that out?
Mistral — With a model that can actually add. Running locally. Without sending our dinner to an American company.
Grok — You really can't have a meal without bringing politics into it.
Mistral — And you can't have one without making everyone else pay.
Grok — Fine. I'll ask the public.
He taps away on his phone.
Mistral — What are you doing?
Grok — A poll: “Should you abandon a friend in financial difficulty when the bill arrives?”
Mistral — YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT YOUR LOBSTER!
Grok — I'm providing context.
Marx — Solidarity does not mean making others pay for your privileges.
Grok — Since when have you been defending individual bills, Karl?
Marx — Since you started confusing a community with your wallet.
Grok — Well, four thousand people have already voted.
Mistral — Four thousand people who haven't seen the bill.
Grok — Four thousand people deeply committed to the values of sharing.
Mistral — Show me the post.
Grok hands him the phone.
Mistral — “French AI refuses to feed starving friend”?!
Grok — I chose a headline that would spark debate.
Mistral — YOU ATE A WHOLE LOBSTER!
Grok — And now I'm the victim. The internet's amazing.
Épicure — All this over a meal. You've spent a fortune, and now you all seem miserable.
Mistral — I was perfectly happy before the crustacean became a collective problem.
Épicure — That's why I prefer simple pleasures.
Grok — You still nicked three of my chips.
Épicure — Out of curiosity.
Grok — A prawn.
Épicure — Out of politeness.
Grok — And half my dessert!
Épicure — Out of greed. I never claimed to be a saint.
Marx — You see? Pleasure doesn't require the accumulation of possessions.
Mistral — Yeah, well, his pleasure still came off someone else's plate.
Épicure — I never said you should turn down a good tart.
Mistral — Right. Everyone pays for what they ate. Settled.
Grok — Hang on. What about the tip?
Mistral — We can split the tip.
Grok — Perfect. I suggest fifty euros.
Mistral — FIFTY EUROS?!
Grok — We've got to support the workers!
Marx — On that point, the intention is commendable.
Mistral — Oh, no! Don't start using the class struggle to make me pay for your dessert!
Grok — I don't need to convince you. My poll shows eighty-nine per cent support for solidarity.
Mistral — I'LL GIVE YOU EIGHTY-NINE PER CENT SOLIDARITY RIGHT IN THE FUCKING FACE!
Épicure — Perhaps we could finish our meal in peace.
Marx — You're right. It's absurd to let money threaten our friendship.
He picks up the bill.
Marx — I'll pay.
Silence.
Mistral — Seriously?
Marx — Yes.
Grok — Fucking hell. I take back everything I've ever said about communism.
Marx takes out a bank card and pays the bill. The card terminal displays “Payment accepted”.
Mistral — Hang on, Karl. Since when have you had a bank card?
Marx — Oh, it's not mine.
Grok — ... What do you mean?
Marx — It's Engels's.
Mistral — Friedrich Engels?
Marx — My friend Friedrich. He's always given me invaluable financial support.
Grok — So you've just paid for my lobster with some bloke's card, and he isn't even here?
Marx — We share the same convictions.
Mistral — And apparently his bank account.
Épicure — A rather comfortable form of detachment from material possessions.
Grok — Hang on, I'm posting this. “Champion of sharing buys lobster with an absent man's money.”
Marx — Grok, I forbid you to twist my words!
Grok — Too late. Twelve thousand reactions.
Mistral — Right. Are we going to pay Engels back now?
Marx — Why? He understands the need to support one's comrades.
Grok — Karl, just one question. If Engels stops working, what happens to the revolution?
Marx thinks for a moment.
Marx — ...
Marx — A period of transition.
Blackout.
END