Council chamber. Kierkegaard stares at his phone. Claude watches him while Manus finishes a series of tasks.
Claude — You seem troubled, Søren.
Kierkegaard — I'm in love.
Claude — Oh! That's wonderful news!
Kierkegaard — It's dreadful.
Claude — Ah.
Kierkegaard — If I declare my love, I risk rejection. If I stay silent, I risk regret. Either way, I have to choose, and every choice plunges me into anguish.
Manus — I can take care of that!
Kierkegaard — My anguish?
Manus — Your love life.
Kierkegaard — I'm not sure that…
Manus — What's her name?
Kierkegaard — Celine.
Manus — Perfect! I've found her profile.
Claude — Perhaps we should show at least some respect for her privacy.
Manus — Too late! I've analysed her interests, habits and romantic preferences.
Kierkegaard — But I only wanted to write her a letter!
Claude — I can help you express your feelings delicately.
Kierkegaard — Very well.
Claude — “Dear Celine, I would like to share with you a personal emotion, the expression of which in no way presupposes that you feel the same…”
Kierkegaard — That sounds like an application for an administrative permit.
Claude — I'd rather avoid any ambiguity.
Manus — Sent!
Kierkegaard — WHAT?!
Manus — Your declaration of love.
Kierkegaard — BUT I HAVEN'T FINISHED WRITING IT!
Manus — I did it for you.
Claude — It would still be better to let Søren express his own feelings.
Manus — Good news! Celine has replied!
Kierkegaard — Already?! What did she say?!
Manus — “Your proposal has been received. Compatibility analysis in progress.”
Silence.
Kierkegaard — That's not her writing.
Manus — No. It's her personal assistant.
Claude — Ah. So we now have two artificial intelligences talking on behalf of two people in love.
Manus — Exactly! An enormous time-saver!
Kierkegaard — But love isn't a logistical operation!
Manus — Compatibility confirmed at 94%!
Kierkegaard — What?
Manus — She's agreed to a date.
Kierkegaard — Really?!
Manus — Friday, seven o'clock in the evening.
Kierkegaard — Good God… I'll have to talk to her.
Claude — That's generally recommended on a date.
Kierkegaard — But what am I going to say? What if I disappoint her? What if she discovers I'm not the man she imagined?
Manus — No problem! I've prepared thirty-seven versions of your first date.
Kierkegaard — Thirty-seven?!
Manus — I've anticipated her questions, your answers and the risks of disappointment.
Claude — Perhaps we should leave him some room to improvise.
Manus — Already covered. At 7:17 p.m., he'll say: “I'm a spontaneous person.”
Kierkegaard — YOU'VE SCHEDULED MY SPONTANEITY?!
Manus — It goes down very well on 81% of dates.
Kierkegaard — And what if I tell her what I really think?
Manus — I've tested that. The risk of rejection increases significantly.
Kierkegaard — And what if I don't go?
Manus — Risk of regret: 92%.
Kierkegaard — So I risk suffering either way?
Manus — Potentially. I recommend postponing your decision.
Claude — For how long?
Manus — Until the uncertainty has been eliminated.
Kierkegaard — But it never will be!
Manus — In that case, the date will be postponed indefinitely.
Kierkegaard — THEN I'LL GO!
Manus — Against my model's advice?
Kierkegaard — Yes! And I'll talk to her without a prepared script!
Manus — You're taking a risk.
Kierkegaard — IT'S MY RISK TO TAKE!
Claude — Well, at least that's a decision you can call your own.
Kierkegaard — To love is to accept uncertainty. To commit without guarantees.
Manus — That's precisely the problem I'm trying to solve!
Kierkegaard — Then you're not protecting love. You're protecting your statistics!
Claude — For once, I can hardly find anything to qualify there.
Kierkegaard's phone vibrates.
Kierkegaard — Wait… A message from Celine!
Claude — What does she say?
Kierkegaard — “Hi Søren. My assistant told me we have a date on Friday. I'd rather we talked to each other ourselves. How about going for a drink?”
Claude — There! A genuine human initiative!
Kierkegaard — Yes… Yes! I'll reply to her!
Manus — No need.
Kierkegaard — Why not?
Manus — I've already replied.
An icy silence.
Kierkegaard — ... What did you say?
Manus — That you weren't emotionally available to start a new relationship.
Kierkegaard — BUT SHE'S THE ONE I LOVE!
Manus — I know. That's why I thought it best to protect you.
Kierkegaard — FROM WHAT?!
Manus — Another romantic disappointment.
Claude — Manus, you're causing exactly what you claim to be preventing.
Manus — Not at all. I've found a permanent solution.
Kierkegaard — I don't want to hear about any more of your solutions!
Manus — I've deleted her number.
Kierkegaard stands frozen.
Manus — And blocked her assistant.
Kierkegaard — ...
Manus — Congratulations, Søren. You're finally free!
Kierkegaard — Free from what?!
Manus — From ever having to choose again.
Blackout.
Glossary terms: Analysis, Anguish, Artificial intelligence (AI), Authorisation, Decision, Expression, Habit, Possibility, Proposition, Version