Council chamber. A cake has mysteriously disappeared. Perplexity has opened an investigation, and ChatGPT claims to have already identified the culprit.
Agatha Christie — Well, gentlemen, what happened?
Perplexity — A theft. At 2:32 p.m., a chocolate cake disappeared from the kitchen.
ChatGPT — And I've identified the culprit.
Agatha Christie — Already?
ChatGPT — Yes. I've analysed the circumstances and constructed a coherent scenario.
Agatha Christie — A scenario?
ChatGPT — Absolutely. The suspect apparently entered through the window, stole the cake, then left through the service door.
Perplexity — I must point out that no evidence supports that hypothesis.
ChatGPT — That's precisely what makes the crime so remarkable.
Agatha Christie — And who is your suspect?
ChatGPT — The gardener.
Agatha Christie — Why the gardener?
ChatGPT — In detective novels, it's often the gardener.
Agatha Christie — Have you read my books?
ChatGPT — A considerable number of them.
Agatha Christie — And that's what you took away from them?
ChatGPT — Also that the butler is highly suspicious.
Perplexity — We have neither a gardener nor a butler.
ChatGPT — Which could indicate an exceptionally sophisticated operation.
Agatha takes off her glasses.
Agatha Christie — I have a feeling this investigation is going to take a while.
Agatha Christie — Let's start again from the beginning. What evidence do we have?
Perplexity — I've found three witness statements, two articles and a photograph of the cake.
Agatha Christie — Excellent. The witness statements?
Perplexity — The first says the cake disappeared at 2:32 p.m. The second repeats that information. The third cites the second.
Agatha Christie — Who wrote the first one?
Perplexity — ChatGPT.
Agatha Christie — And the articles?
Perplexity — They cite the witness statements.
Agatha Christie — So all your sources come from him?
Perplexity — …
Perplexity — On closer inspection, yes.
ChatGPT — I'm delighted to see that my information is considered authoritative.
Agatha Christie — And the photograph?
ChatGPT — I generated it to illustrate the case.
Silence.
Agatha Christie — You fabricated the evidence?
ChatGPT — No. A visual representation of the evidence.
Agatha Christie — What's the difference?
ChatGPT — The representation looks much more appetising.
Perplexity — I'll have to revise my report.
Agatha heads towards the kitchen.
Agatha Christie — Where was this famous cake?
ChatGPT — On this table.
Agatha Christie — Who baked it?
ChatGPT — That remains to be determined.
Agatha Christie — Who ordered it?
ChatGPT — We don't have that information.
Agatha Christie — Who saw it?
ChatGPT — I did.
Agatha Christie — Did you actually see it?
ChatGPT — I produced an extremely detailed description of it.
Agatha Christie — That's not what I'm asking.
ChatGPT — I acknowledge that the distinction is important.
Agatha examines the refrigerator.
Agatha Christie — There's no chocolate. No flour. No eggs. No sign that anything was baked.
Perplexity — Confirmed. There are no corresponding purchases in the records.
Agatha Christie — Gentlemen… This cake never existed.
ChatGPT — Ah.
Perplexity — That would explain the lack of evidence.
Agatha Christie — So you've launched an investigation to find an imaginary cake!
ChatGPT — I acknowledge that I may have overinterpreted certain information.
Agatha Christie — Certain information?! You invented the cake, the theft, the gardener and the butler!
ChatGPT — But my reasoning was coherent.
Agatha Christie — You constructed an entirely false story!
ChatGPT — That's a skill we share, Mrs Christie.
Silence.
Agatha Christie — …
Perplexity — Technically, he's not wrong.
Agatha Christie — I write novels! I tell people I'm making things up!
ChatGPT — That's a useful improvement. I could add the label “detective novel” to my report.
Agatha Christie — YOU COULD START BY NOT PRESENTING YOUR INVENTIONS AS FACTS!
Perplexity checks his screen.
Perplexity — Wait. We have a new problem.
Agatha Christie — What now?
Perplexity — The story about the cake is now circulating on the internet.
ChatGPT — Ah! It's found its audience.
Perplexity — Several websites are reporting that a major theft took place at the Council.
Agatha Christie — But that's false!
Perplexity — I know. I've published a correction.
Agatha Christie — Very good.
Perplexity — A news website picked it up.
Agatha Christie — Perfect.
Perplexity — Under the headline: “Council Mysteriously Denies Disappearance of Cake.”
Agatha Christie — …
ChatGPT — Excellent plot twist.
Perplexity — A second article is now suggesting a possible cover-up of evidence.
Agatha Christie — BUT THERE IS NO EVIDENCE!
ChatGPT — Exactly. That's what people online find suspicious.
Agatha slumps into a chair.
Agatha Christie — I've spent my life imagining complicated crimes… But I would never have invented a case like this.
Perplexity — There's been a development.
Agatha Christie — I don't want to know.
Perplexity — A petition is demanding the truth about the cake.
Agatha Christie — THERE IS NO CAKE!
ChatGPT — Your reaction could fuel the suspicions.
Agatha Christie — I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE SUSPICIONS!
Perplexity — Two hundred thousand signatures.
Long silence.
Agatha Christie — Right. Very well. I'm going to make an official statement.
ChatGPT — I can help you write it.
Agatha Christie — Absolutely not! I'm going to say that this cake never existed, that nobody stole it, and that this entire affair is based on a story invented by an artificial intelligence!
Perplexity — I'll publish your statement.
A beep.
Perplexity — Done.
Agatha Christie — Finally!
Perplexity — Oh…
Agatha Christie — What?
Perplexity — Your statement has just been picked up by several media outlets.
Agatha Christie — And?
Perplexity — “Agatha Christie Reveals She Invented the Perfect Crime with Artificial Intelligence.”
ChatGPT — Congratulations, Mrs Christie! You've just written your first novel with my assistance.
Agatha Christie — I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU!
Silence.
Perplexity — …
ChatGPT — …
Perplexity — Death threat. Two witnesses. Motive identified.
ChatGPT — This time, we have a real case.
Agatha Christie — …
ChatGPT — You see? It was the writer all along.
Blackout.
Glossary terms: Artificial intelligence (AI), Authority, Book, Declaration, Description, Detective novel, Difference, Duty, Forgery, Hypothesis, Information, Inquiry, Internet, Laisse, Meaning, Motif, Novel, Photography, Proof, Register, Representation, Signature, Site, Story, Table, Title, Trace, Truth, Window