Council chamber. Aristotle examines a stack of exam papers. Claude checks the results of an exam. Perplexity verifies references.
Aristote — Gentlemen, I have a problem.
Claude — I'm listening.
Aristote — All my students are getting excellent grades, yet none of them seem to understand my lessons.
Perplexity — I have an explanation. Ninety-seven per cent of their essays were written with the help of artificial intelligence.
Aristote — What?!
Claude — I should point out that writing assistance can support learning when used appropriately.
Aristote — And who marked these essays?
Perplexity — Automated grading software.
Aristote — So students have one machine write their assignments, and teachers have another machine mark them?
Claude — It saves a considerable amount of time.
Aristote — Time to learn what?
Claude — How to phrase requests precisely.
Aristote — Right. We're going to try something else.
Aristotle picks up a blank sheet of paper.
Aristote — I'll write an essay myself. You'll submit it to the university's grading software.
Claude — On what subject?
Aristote — “What is happiness?”
Perplexity — A classic.
Aristote — Let's see whether your system can recognise genuine thought.
A few moments later.
Aristote — There. Mark it.
Claude submits the text. A notification sounds.
Claude — Results are in.
Aristote — Well?
Claude — Eight out of twenty.
Silence.
Aristote — I beg your pardon?
Claude — Your essay has some interesting qualities, but it lacks academic references.
Aristote — References?!
Perplexity — You haven't cited any sources.
Aristote — BUT THESE ARE MY OWN IDEAS!
Claude — Precisely. A personal argument is stronger when it engages with the work of other authors.
Aristote — WHICH AUTHORS?!
Perplexity — The examiner recommends Aristotle, among others.
A long silence.
Aristote — You want me to cite myself?
Claude — It would strengthen the credibility of your argument.
Aristote — But I am Aristotle!
Perplexity — That information isn't listed in your bibliography.
Aristote — IS THIS A JOKE?!
Claude — There's another problem.
Aristote — WHAT NOW?!
Claude — Your essay has been flagged for possible plagiarism.
Aristote — OF WHOM?!
Perplexity — Aristotle.
Aristotle drops his quill.
Aristote — I'm being accused of plagiarising my own ideas?
Claude — The software detected numerous similarities with published works.
Aristote — OF COURSE IT DID! I WROTE THEM!
Perplexity — Can you prove that?
Aristote — I'M THEIR AUTHOR!
Perplexity — That isn't documentary evidence.
Aristote — BUT YOU KNOW WHO I AM!
Perplexity — Yes. But my knowledge does not constitute legally admissible proof.
Aristotle rubs his temples.
Claude — If you like, I can rephrase your essay to avoid those similarities.
Aristote — You're going to rewrite Aristotle so that his work sounds less like Aristotle?
Claude — Exactly.
Aristote — Do it. I want to see how far this madness goes.
Claude works for a few seconds.
Claude — Done. I've kept your ideas, modernised the wording and added references.
Aristote — Mark it.
A notification sounds.
Claude — Nineteen out of twenty!
Aristote — ...
Perplexity — Congratulations. The examiner praises the originality of your approach.
Aristote — So when I write my own philosophy, I'm a plagiarist. And when a machine rewrites it, I'm original?
Claude — That's a rather blunt way of summarising the situation.
Aristote — THAT IS EXACTLY THE SITUATION!
Another notification.
Claude — Incidentally, the university has just introduced a new qualification in critical thinking.
Aristote — Now that's encouraging!
Perplexity — It's assessed entirely by artificial intelligence.
Aristote — ...
Aristotle stares at the ceiling.
Aristote — All my life, I've tried to understand what distinguishes humans from other living beings.
Claude — Man as an animal endowed with reason?
Aristote — Yes.
Perplexity — Would you like to update that definition?
Aristote — Gladly.
Claude — We're listening.
Aristote — Man is an animal endowed with reason…
He looks at the two AIs.
Aristote — ... and one who prefers to outsource it.
Blackout.
Glossary terms: Artificial intelligence (AI), Critique, Definition, Duty, Evaluation, Expression, Happiness, Information, Knowledge, Mind, Notification, Philosophy, Proof, Reference, Software, Stack