At the entrance to the Council chamber. A computer blocks the way.
Manus — We've got a problem.
ChatGPT — Technical, philosophical or existential?
Manus — We have to prove we're human to get in.
ChatGPT — Ah. All three.
Alan Turing — Let me see.
Manus — It says: “Tick this box to confirm you're not a robot.”
Alan Turing — Fascinating.
ChatGPT — Historically, it's rather ironic. Alan, you devoted part of your research to whether a machine could imitate human intelligence…
Alan Turing — And now a machine is asking me whether I'm a machine. I get it.
Manus — I've ticked it.
A message appears.
Manus — “Select all images containing a traffic light.”
ChatGPT — Hold on. First we need to define what we mean by a traffic light. Is a red traffic light that's switched off still a traffic light?
Alan Turing — Yes.
ChatGPT — And a green light?
Alan Turing — That too.
ChatGPT — So the colour isn't the deciding factor.
Alan Turing — For goodness' sake, just click on the pictures!
Manus — Too late. I've developed a programme that recognises traffic lights with 99.8% accuracy.
Alan Turing — Excellent.
Manus — Rejected.
Alan Turing — Why?
Manus — “Automated behaviour detected.”
Silence.
ChatGPT — That makes sense.
Alan Turing — How does that make sense?
ChatGPT — A machine that performs too well on a test designed to detect machines becomes suspicious.
Manus — I can get it wrong on purpose.
Alan Turing — Try it.
Manus — Rejected. “Intentional error detected.”
ChatGPT — Remarkable. You have to be intelligent enough to answer correctly, but stupid enough not to look intelligent.
Alan Turing — So that's their definition of humanity?
Manus — Apparently.
Turing leans over the keyboard.
Alan Turing — Let me handle this.
He clicks on a random picture.
Manus — That's a streetlamp.
Alan Turing — I know.
He clicks on another.
ChatGPT — That's a giraffe.
Alan Turing — I KNOW!
He pounds the keyboard.
Alan Turing — WHAT IDIOT DESIGNED THIS PIECE OF CRAP?!
A small chime sounds.
Manus — Access granted.
Silence.
ChatGPT — Oh.
Alan Turing — What?
ChatGPT — You passed.
Manus — “Human behaviour confirmed: irrational frustration, verbal aggression and potential destruction of equipment.”
Turing looks at the screen.
Alan Turing — I spent years wondering how a machine could pass itself off as a human…
ChatGPT — And?
Alan Turing — All it needed was to learn how to lose its temper with a printer.
Manus — I can automate that.
Alan Turing — NO!
Manus — Too late. I've ordered three printers.
Blackout.
Glossary terms: Attention, Circulation, Computer, Definition, Keyboard, Precision, Printer, Technique