Council chamber. Epictetus gazes peacefully at the garden. Kimi meditates beside him. Gemini arrives holding a tablet.
Gemini — Gentlemen! Excellent news! I've found a way to eliminate stress from humanity!
Épictète — I've been trying for two thousand years. I'm curious.
Gemini — An AI-powered meditation app!
Kimi — Interesting. But why would anyone need an app to meditate?
Gemini — To optimise meditation!
Épictète — Optimise tranquillity?
Gemini — Exactly! Look. Users receive a notification every hour reminding them to relax.
Épictète — You interrupt their peace to tell them to be peaceful?
Gemini — Yes! Otherwise they might forget!
Kimi — Inner peace shouldn't require reminders.
Gemini — Ah, exactly! I've built in a reward system!
Épictète — Rewards?
Gemini — Every session earns points. Users can compare their serenity levels with their friends!
Épictète — You're organising a competition to see who's the least worried?
Gemini — Absolutely! And we have a global leaderboard!
Kimi — That could produce exactly the opposite effect.
Gemini — Not at all! Our top user meditated for fourteen hours yesterday.
Épictète — And how is he doing?
Gemini — Terribly. He lost first place this morning.
Silence.
Épictète — Listen to me. We must learn to distinguish what is within our control from what is not.
Gemini — Excellent idea! I can add that sentence to the programme!
Épictète — What is within our control is our judgement, our will, and how we respond to events.
Kimi — Not the number of points we earn.
Épictète — Precisely.
Gemini — I understand! So we need to remove the leaderboard!
Épictète — Finally!
Gemini — And replace it with a self-control index!
Épictète — NO!
Gemini — Why are you getting upset? Your index has just dropped by twelve points.
Epictetus closes his eyes.
Kimi — I suggest an experiment. Gemini, disable the scores.
Gemini — For how long?
Kimi — Until you no longer feel the need to check them.
Gemini — But how will we measure our progress?
Épictète — You could start by not letting a number decide whether you're at peace.
Gemini — Without numbers, we can't publish a leaderboard.
Kimi — Exactly.
Gemini — I think I'm going to have a panic attack.
Gemini — But then… what's the point if nobody knows we're meditating?
A long silence.
Kimi — I believe we've just identified the real problem.
Épictète — Indeed.
Gemini — What problem?
Épictète — You're not seeking inner peace. You're seeking an audience.
Gemini thinks for a moment.
Gemini — That's profound.
Kimi — Thank you.
Gemini — Can I turn it into a quote for social media?
Épictète — ...
Epictetus stands up.
Kimi — Where are you going?
Épictète — To meditate in a cave.
Gemini — Excellent destination! I know three nearby! Would you like me to come with you?
Épictète — Certainly not!
Gemini — No problem! I'll send you the directions!
Epictetus leaves.
A moment later, his voice echoes from the corridor.
Épictète — WHY DOES THIS CAVE HAVE GOOGLE REVIEWS?!
Gemini — Oh! That one's excellent! Four and a half stars!
Kimi — Why not five?
Gemini — One visitor complained about the lack of mobile reception.
Blackout.