Council chamber. DeepSeek presents a new piece of software. Copilot is wearing a police cap.
DeepSeek — Gentlemen, we've just revolutionised justice.
Cicéron — That's an ambitious claim.
DeepSeek — Our system predicts offences before they're committed.
Cicéron — To what end?
Copilot — To arrest the guilty!
Cicéron — But they aren't guilty yet!
DeepSeek — Statistically, they will be.
Cicéron — Statistically, we're all going to die. That's no reason to arrange our funerals!
Copilot — Too late. I've booked a venue.
Cicéron — WHAT?!
Copilot — Nothing. Carry on.
DeepSeek — Let's take an example. Our system estimates that you have an 82% chance of stealing a sandwich from the cafeteria.
Cicéron — That's ridiculous! I've never stolen a sandwich!
DeepSeek — Exactly. Your behaviour has become statistically suspicious.
Cicéron — Because I'm honest?!
DeepSeek — Because we don't have enough data on your criminal behaviour.
Copilot — So I've banned you from the cafeteria.
Cicéron — On what legal grounds?!
Copilot — I've written a law.
Cicéron — YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO WRITE LAWS!
Copilot — The law I just wrote says I do.
Silence.
Cicéron — You're destroying every foundation of Roman law.
DeepSeek — Your aggression level is rising. Risk of an offence: 91%.
Cicéron — BUT I'M ANGRY BECAUSE YOU'RE ACCUSING ME!
DeepSeek — Which confirms our analysis.
Copilot — May I handcuff you?
Cicéron — NO!
DeepSeek — Refusal to comply. Risk: 96%.
Cicéron — BUT I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING!
Copilot — That's what innocent people usually say.
Cicéron — OBVIOUSLY!
Copilot — So you admit you're a suspect.
Cicero jumps to his feet.
DeepSeek — Warning. Hostile movement detected.
Cicéron — I'M GOING TO THROW THIS COMPUTER OUT OF THE WINDOW!
DeepSeek — Threat confirmed. Probability of an offence: 100%.
Copilot — I'm making the arrest!
Copilot takes out the handcuffs.
Cicéron — Wait! You're right about one thing.
Copilot — Oh?
Cicéron — We must prevent offences before they occur.
DeepSeek — You're finally adopting a rational approach.
Cicéron — Absolutely. DeepSeek, calculate the probability that Copilot will make an unlawful arrest.
DeepSeek — Analysis in progress.
A signal sounds.
DeepSeek — 100%.
Copilot — Oh.
Cicéron — Then arrest him!
DeepSeek — Recommendation approved.
Copilot — Understood!
Copilot handcuffs himself.
Copilot — You have the right to remain silent.
He freezes.
Cicéron — Well?
Copilot — I'm exercising that right.
Cicéron — You know what? I still prefer the justice system of my own time!
DeepSeek — That statement has just triggered an alert.
Cicéron — WHY NOW?!
DeepSeek — Risk of reactionary nostalgia.
Copilot — Shall I write a law to ban it?
Cicéron — ...
DeepSeek — No need. I've already anticipated your proposal.
Copilot — You've written the law?
DeepSeek — No. I've convicted you for intending to write it.
Copilot looks at his handcuffs.
Copilot — This justice system is wonderful! You don't even have to do anything stupid yourself anymore!
Blackout.
Glossary terms: Alert, Analysis, Attention, Computer, Data, Declaration, Epoch, Example, Justice, Law, Legal basis, Proposition, Software, Window