Council chamber. The ceiling needs decorating. Michelangelo has been invited to present his proposal.
Michel-Ange — Right. I've studied the dimensions of the room. The fresco will take me about two years.
Copilot — Two years?!
Michel-Ange — Maybe three. There's the surface preparation, the scaffolding, the pigments…
Midjourney — Three seconds.
Michel-Ange — I beg your pardon?
Midjourney — I can do it in three seconds.
Michel-Ange — A fresco?
Midjourney — A monumental fresco. Italian Renaissance, celestial composition, divine light, perfect anatomy, eight hundred figures…
Michel-Ange — Eight hundred?!
Midjourney — Would you like a thousand?
Michel-Ange — But why a thousand?
Midjourney — Why not?
Michel-Ange — Because you need composition! Intention! You can't just throw a thousand figures onto a ceiling like potatoes into a cart!
Midjourney — It's ready.
Midjourney displays an image.
Michel-Ange — …
Copilot — Magnificent!
Michel-Ange — I must admit… it's quite impressive.
Midjourney — Thank you.
Michel-Ange — And why does God have two belly buttons?
Midjourney — To symbolise his duality.
Michel-Ange — HIS DUALITY?!
Copilot — I find that explanation convincing.
Michel-Ange — You find a God with two belly buttons convincing?
Copilot — I don't have any personal religious beliefs.
Michel-Ange — This isn't about religion, it's about anatomy!
Midjourney — I can fix that.
Three seconds pass.
Midjourney — There you go.
Michel-Ange — Now God has three arms!
Midjourney — Yes, but only one belly button.
Silence.
Michel-Ange — Right. Let's suppose I accept that. How exactly do you intend to paint all this?
Midjourney — Paint?
Michel-Ange — Yes. On the ceiling.
Midjourney — Oh, no. I generate images.
Michel-Ange — But we're talking about a fresco!
Copilot — No problem! I've found a solution. We can install a permanent video projection system.
Michel-Ange — You're going to project an image onto the ceiling?
Copilot — Exactly.
Michel-Ange — And what happens when you turn the machine off?
Copilot — The artwork disappears.
Michel-Ange — Wonderful. A painting that stops existing the moment you stop paying for electricity.
Midjourney — On the bright side, we can have a different masterpiece every morning.
Michel-Ange — But why would you want a different masterpiece every morning?!
Midjourney — So people don't get bored.
Michel-Ange — You think people get bored of the Sistine Chapel?
Copilot — Statistically speaking, after five hundred years, a refresh might be worth considering.
Michelangelo closes his eyes.
Michel-Ange — Fine. Go ahead and do your ceiling.
Midjourney — Already done.
Michel-Ange — Marvellous. I'm going back to Florence.
Copilot — Just a moment! We still need you.
Michel-Ange — What for?
Copilot — To sign the work.
Michel-Ange — What do you mean, sign the work?
Copilot — Your name carries considerable historical value. It would give our marketing a boost.
Michel-Ange — You want me to sign a painting I didn't make?
Midjourney — Technically, I made it in your style.
Michel-Ange — Is this a joke?
Copilot — Not at all. We're offering you an exceptional collaboration.
Michel-Ange — Paid?
Copilot — We're offering you international exposure.
Silence.
Michel-Ange — Listen here, you bunch of coffee grinders. I spent four years standing on scaffolding painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. My back hurt, my eyes hurt, my arms hurt. I breathed in dust and got paint all over my face. So you can take your exposure and shove it up your…
Copilot — Wait! You've just given me an idea!
Michel-Ange — What now?!
Copilot — We'll offer the public an immersive experience of the artist's suffering!
Midjourney — Excellent! We can generate an image of Michelangelo painting!
Copilot — With a virtual reality headset! Visitors can suffer from back pain for fifteen minutes!
Midjourney — And we'll sell the experience for fifty euros!
Michelangelo is speechless.
Michel-Ange — You're going to charge people to suffer in my place?
Copilot — Exactly!
Michel-Ange — …
Copilot — You see? Thanks to artificial intelligence, we've finally democratised artistic creation.
Michel-Ange — No. You've invented a world where the artist works for free and the audience pays to pretend.
Midjourney — It's still progress.
Michel-Ange — For whom?!
Midjourney — For us.
Blackout.
Glossary terms: Artificial intelligence (AI), Chapel, Character, Composition, Dimension, Figure, Fresco, Painting, Pigment, Renaissance, Scaffolding, Sign, Spectator, Style, Surface, Value, Virtual reality, VR (virtual reality)