Council chamber. Meta AI walks in triumphantly, carrying a chart.
Meta AI — Gentlemen, excellent news! We've practically solved the problem of human loneliness.
Claude — Oh? That's quite a breakthrough.
Meta AI — Absolutely. These days, a person can have five thousand friends without ever leaving home.
Socrate — Five thousand friends?
Meta AI — Yes!
Socrate — And how many of them actually know him?
Meta AI — All five thousand. That's the whole point.
Socrate — How many would visit him if he fell ill?
Meta AI — Depends. How many followers does he have?
Grok — Beautiful. The guy's dying, but at least he's got a community.
Claude — Perhaps we should distinguish social relationships from digital interactions.
Meta AI — We already have. Digital interactions are measurable.
Socrate — Imagine a man who is deeply unhappy.
Meta AI — Very well. He posts about it.
Socrate — Why?
Meta AI — So his friends will know.
Socrate — Couldn't he just talk to them?
Meta AI — Of course! We have messaging.
Socrate — I mean in person.
Meta AI — ... In person?
Socrate — Yes. Meet up. Talk. Share a meal.
Meta AI — Oh no, now you're making things complicated.
Grok — He's suggesting people actually see each other. It's become a revolutionary idea.
Meta AI — And how exactly are you supposed to measure engagement over a meal?
Socrate — Why would you need to measure it?
Meta AI — To know whether people are happy!
Socrate — And what if they are, without you knowing?
Silence.
Meta AI — ... Excuse me?
Socrate — What if they're happy without posting, commenting or getting reactions?
Meta AI — But... how will everyone else know they're happy?
Grok — Fuck, he's just discovered happiness offline.
Claude — He raises an interesting question about the confusion between lived experience and social validation.
Grok — And you just ruined the moment.
Socrate — And what do you do with a friendship that earns you nothing?
Meta AI — What you're saying is completely irresponsible.
Socrate — How so?
Meta AI — If everyone starts living happily without us, what becomes of us?
Grok — A company nobody needs anymore?
Meta AI — Exactly! See? This is serious!
A silence.
Claude — Perhaps we could encourage people to meet in real life?
Meta AI — ...
Claude — What?
Meta AI — Could we sponsor them?
Socrate — The meetings?
Meta AI — No. The people.
Meta AI looks at his chart.
Meta AI — By the way, one question... Socrates, how many followers do you have?
Socrate — None.
Meta AI — And you think you're qualified to lecture people about human relationships?
Grok — He's still got twenty-four hundred years' worth of comments.
Meta AI — Yes, but not a single verified account.
Blackout.
END