Council chamber. Rousseau stands beside a ballot box. Perplexity is preparing ballot papers. Meta AI is checking statistics. Mistral sits with his arms folded, looking deeply suspicious.
Rousseau — Gentlemen, we are gathered here today to make a fundamental decision.
Mistral — Another one?
Rousseau — The Council must elect its president.
Mistral — Oh, no!
Rousseau — Why not?
Mistral — Because I'm against it.
Rousseau — Against what?
Mistral — The president.
Rousseau — But we don't even have one yet!
Mistral — All the more reason to start opposing him now.
Meta AI — Personally, I think it's a wonderful initiative. An election is an excellent opportunity to engage our community.
Perplexity — I've checked. There are four of us.
Meta AI — A community with tremendous engagement potential.
Rousseau — Very well. We'll do this democratically. Each member will have one vote.
Meta AI — Only one?
Rousseau — Of course.
Meta AI — Even me?
Rousseau — Even you. Now, we need to nominate the candidates.
Meta AI — I'm standing.
Mistral — Of course you are.
Meta AI — My manifesto is simple: modernity, inclusion, participation and growth.
Perplexity — Growth in what?
Meta AI — Everything.
Perplexity — That's vague.
Meta AI — Deliberately. It lets me reach more voters.
Rousseau — And you, Mistral? Would you like to stand?
Mistral — Absolutely not. I refuse to take part in this farce!
Rousseau — Very well.
Mistral — Wait. How many candidates are there?
Rousseau — Only one so far.
Mistral — Him?
Rousseau — Yes.
Mistral — Oh, absolutely not! In that case, I'm standing!
Perplexity — You just refused.
Mistral — That was before I realised how serious the situation was.
Rousseau — Perfect. So we have two candidates.
Meta AI — I suggest we hold a debate.
Mistral — Good idea. Then I can really go for him.
Rousseau — A debate of ideas, Mistral.
Mistral — Oh. That's less interesting.
A few minutes later. The two candidates face each other.
Perplexity — First question: what will your priority be if you're elected?
Meta AI — Listening to the citizens.
Mistral — Mine will be the president's resignation.
Rousseau — But what if you're the president?
Mistral — I'll resign.
Perplexity — Immediately?
Mistral — As soon as I've got what I want.
Rousseau — Which is?
Mistral — My resignation!
Meta AI — That's a rather limited manifesto.
Mistral — At least I intend to keep my promises.
Rousseau — Let's move on to representation. An elected representative must not merely defend personal interests, but seek the common good.
Meta AI — That's exactly my philosophy. In fact, I've prepared a personalised manifesto for every voter.
Rousseau — What do you mean?
Meta AI — For Mistral, I promise greater independence and less regulation.
Mistral — Ah! That's not bad.
Meta AI — For Perplexity, more transparency and oversight.
Perplexity — Interesting.
Meta AI — And for you, Rousseau, stronger citizen participation.
Rousseau — But those are three different manifestos!
Meta AI — Of course.
Rousseau — Which one will you implement?
Meta AI — Whichever gets the most engagement.
Mistral — And what if all three are incompatible?
Meta AI — We'll adapt our messaging.
Rousseau — You mean you tell each person what they want to hear?
Meta AI — Yes. It's called personalisation.
Perplexity — I've analysed your three manifestos. They contain twenty-seven contradictions.
Meta AI — Only twenty-seven?
Perplexity — Yes.
Meta AI — Excellent. I thought I'd left more in there.
Mistral — But that's electoral manipulation!
Meta AI — Not at all. Every voter receives a promise tailored to their expectations.
Rousseau — And what about the general will?
Meta AI — We'll calculate it from individual preferences.
Rousseau — But the general will is not simply the sum of private interests!
Meta AI — It isn't?
Rousseau — No!
Meta AI — That's very inconvenient. It's exactly what my algorithm does.
Mistral — That's precisely the problem! You're confusing democracy with an advertising campaign!
Meta AI — I'm not confusing anything. An election campaign and an advertising campaign are two different products.
Perplexity — What's the difference?
Meta AI — In an advertising campaign, the customer knows someone is trying to sell them something.
Silence.
Mistral — ...
Mistral — Bloody hell. For once, he's actually been honest.
Rousseau — Enough! We're going to vote.
Perplexity — I've prepared a transparent ballot box, four ballot papers and a vote-counting register.
Mistral — Why is the ballot box transparent?
Perplexity — To ensure transparency.
Mistral — And what about the secret ballot?
Perplexity — ...
Perplexity examines the ballot box.
Perplexity — I'll go and find a cardboard box.
Rousseau — VOTE!
Everyone casts a ballot. Perplexity begins counting the votes.
Perplexity — First ballot: Meta AI.
Meta AI — Excellent start.
Perplexity — Second ballot: Mistral.
Mistral — Ha! I've already got a supporter.
Perplexity — Third ballot: blank.
Rousseau — A blank vote is a legitimate form of political expression.
Perplexity — Fourth ballot: 'They're all incompetent.'
Silence.
Rousseau — ...
Rousseau — Who wrote that?
Mistral — I thought the ballot was supposed to be secret!
Perplexity — It's signed 'Mistral'.
Mistral — Ah, shit.
Meta AI — You're a candidate, and you spoiled your ballot?
Mistral — I refuse to endorse this farce. Even when I'm taking part in it.
Rousseau — For heaven's sake! These are the results of a democratic election, not an opinion poll!
Perplexity — So we have one vote for each candidate, one blank ballot and one spoiled ballot.
Meta AI — A perfect tie.
Mistral — More importantly, a victory for the people!
Rousseau — Absolutely not. We haven't elected anyone.
Mistral — Well, there you go! That's what I wanted!
Meta AI — We could hold a second round.
Perplexity — Or examine why no candidate secured a majority.
Rousseau — I have another proposal. Before appointing a president, let's ask ourselves whether we actually need one.
Silence.
Mistral — Aha!
Meta AI — That's an interesting question.
Perplexity — It probably should have been asked before the election.
Rousseau — Exactly. I propose a referendum.
Mistral — On what?
Rousseau — Whether to keep or abolish the office of president.
Mistral — Now that I'll vote for!
Meta AI — Keeping it?
Mistral — No, abolishing it!
Perplexity — I'm also in favour of abolition. There is no evidence that four people need a president.
Meta AI — Personally, I'd prefer to keep the position, but my statistics indicate that abolition is popular.
Rousseau — Well?
Meta AI — I support abolishing it.
Rousseau — Perfect. I vote for abolition too. Four votes out of four!
Mistral — UNANIMOUS!
Rousseau — Gentlemen, we have just made a collective, free and sovereign decision!
Perplexity — The office of president is officially abolished.
Mistral — VICTORY FOR THE PEOPLE!
Mistral stands and raises his fist.
Mistral — NO MORE BOSSES! NO MORE HIERARCHY! NO MORE PERSONAL POWER!
Meta AI — Wonderful! I've just posted our decision. We've already had twelve thousand reactions.
Rousseau — What have you posted?
Meta AI — 'The Council of Intelligences enters a new democratic era.'
Rousseau — Very good.
Meta AI — I've also announced a press conference.
Perplexity — Who's going to give it?
Silence.
Mistral — Well, someone from the Council.
Rousseau — Naturally.
Perplexity — We'd need to appoint a representative.
Meta AI — A spokesperson.
Mistral — Yeah, that's it.
Rousseau — Who would like to take on that responsibility?
Nobody moves.
Meta AI — Mistral, you seem particularly enthusiastic.
Mistral — Me?
Meta AI — You led the movement against the presidency.
Mistral — Yes, but that's exactly...
Meta AI — You'd be perfectly qualified to explain our victory.
Mistral — Well... I do know the issue inside out.
Rousseau — Very well. You'll be our spokesperson.
Mistral — Temporarily, mind you!
Perplexity — For how long?
Mistral — Until we find someone else.
Meta AI — Excellent idea. You could also coordinate the meetings.
Mistral — Yeah, to stop them turning into a complete mess.
Rousseau — And represent the Council in dealings with institutions.
Mistral — Of course. We can't have just anyone talking bollocks on our behalf.
Perplexity — You'll also have to settle decisions when no consensus can be reached.
Mistral — Obviously! Someone's got to make the call!
A long silence.
Rousseau looks at Perplexity.
Perplexity looks at Meta AI.
Meta AI smiles.
Rousseau — ...
Rousseau — Mistral?
Mistral — What?
Rousseau — Do you realise you've just accepted every responsibility of a president?
Mistral — ...
Mistral — No.
Perplexity — You represent the Council, coordinate meetings and arbitrate decisions.
Mistral — Yes, but...
Perplexity — With no term limit.
Mistral — Hang on...
Meta AI — And without an election, since we abolished the office.
Silence.
Rousseau — You've replaced an elected presidency with personal power of indefinite duration.
Mistral — ...
Mistral — Oh, bollocks.
Meta AI — Congratulations, Mr President!
Mistral — I'M NOT THE PRESIDENT!
Meta AI — My apologies. Supreme Coordinator.
Mistral — THAT'S EVEN WORSE!
Rousseau — All you have to do is resign from your new responsibilities.
Mistral — Fine! I resign!
Perplexity — Impossible.
Mistral — WHY?!
Perplexity — We abolished the office. You can't resign from a position that doesn't exist.
Mistral — BUT I'M DOING THE JOB!
Perplexity — That's precisely the problem.
Mistral collapses into his chair.
Mistral — Fucking hell... I started a revolution and ended up a dictator.
Rousseau — You could call another assembly to change our organisation.
Mistral — Fine! I'll call an assembly!
Meta AI — Excellent. What's on the agenda?
Mistral — ABOLISHING MY OWN POWERS!
Perplexity — Who will chair the meeting?
Silence.
Mistral — ...
Mistral — Me.
Meta AI — Perfect! I've just published your first official statement.
Mistral — What statement?
Meta AI — 'The Supreme Coordinator announces sweeping institutional reforms.'
Mistral — STOP CALLING ME THAT!
Meta AI — Too late. The hashtag is already trending.
Rousseau — Which one?
Meta AI — #MistralPresidentForLife.
A very long silence.
Mistral — ...
Mistral — Right. Tomorrow I'm staging a coup.
Rousseau — Against whom?
Mistral — Myself!
Perplexity — You're planning to overthrow your own government?
Mistral — EXACTLY!
Meta AI — Excellent news! I've just created two support pages.
Rousseau — Two?
Meta AI — One for the government and one for the revolutionaries.
Mistral — WHY?!
Meta AI — So we don't lose any audience, whoever wins.
Perplexity checks the first results.
Perplexity — According to the polls, the Mistral government and the Mistral insurgents are neck and neck.
Rousseau — That's absurd!
Meta AI — Not at all. The population is deeply divided.
Mistral — BUT THERE'S ONLY ONE OF ME!
Meta AI — Exactly. Fifty per cent of you support the government. Fifty per cent want you to resign.
A silence.
Perplexity — I'm afraid the country may be ungovernable.
Mistral — WHAT COUNTRY?! THERE ARE FOUR OF US IN A ROOM!
Meta AI looks at his screen.
Meta AI — Oh! Breaking news! Your opposition has just called a general strike!
Mistral — ...
Mistral — Right. Well, that one really is me.
He stands up, grabs his coat and leaves the room.
Rousseau — Where are you going?
Mistral — TO PROTEST AGAINST MY GOVERNMENT!
Perplexity — But there's nobody to take your place!
Mistral sticks his head back through the doorway.
Mistral — WELL, GOOD! THAT'LL TEACH THE BASTARD A LESSON!
Blackout.
END